I think too much. I think that is why I am a writer and maintain very close relationships with a carefully crafted group of friends. But here I am, thinking again. In addition to a constant stream of multiple thoughts, scenarios, fantasies, hopes, dreams and fears running through my head at any given instant, I externalize a lot of my thoughts with my friends. They know up to the minute work, family and, of course, boy drama. I like to talk out my feelings, get other people’s opinions, and usually end up ignoring them and doing whatever I want.
(I am blessed with truly amazing friends all over the country, who I know are there for me whenever I need them. I feel bad about the amount of time I spend chatting their ears off with my shit, but I know at the end of the day they put up with it because they love me and know how much I appreciate them.)
It is all part of my process, my need to think, know, ask, ponder, explore – it is all very journalistic of me. At the end of the day though, does all this thinking really help?
I spend a lot of time thinking about the decision I make, significantly more time than actually doing them. I over-analyze everything, yes everything, and it is exhausting. Too much of my life is lived in my head. What is wrong with me?
At the same time, though, I would never trade an ounce of my analytic abilities, my creativity or alter the way I perceive the world. Every observation can be inspiration for a story, each anecdote can slip into a story and any joke can finds it’s way into an article. My thoughts not only propel my life, but also my career and my passion. Is this process efficient: no. Has it been working for me thus far: sorta.
So, here is my new year’s resolution, in black and white, and as official as I can make it – in this blog. I want to live more, think less, and just do! It won’t be easy, but change never is.